Other people’s opinions on your life

Other people’s opinions on your life

The people who are most close to me would say I’m not very good at expressing my feelings which maybe in some part is true. I don’t really like to talk about myself and most of the time I’m happier discussing others, which is why I’m not very expressive at times.

But that’s not the point. The point is, a big reason why I don’t talk much about my feelings or “open up” about my personal life, is because I don’t want the person’s opinion that I’m talking to.

I don’t want to hear their opinion on what I’m doing, what is going on in my life, what they think I should be doing, etc.

Now I can hear you thinking, “Just don’t listen to their opinions, it only matters what your opinion is of yourself!”

Do you know hard it is to ignore the opinion of someone who you care about a lot or who you are super close to? It’s almost impossible. Sure, some person that I don’t know or don’t care about, it is super easy to blow them off. But a family member or a best friend? I can’t just blow their opinions off, because their opinions actually matter to me. Which is why I may seem so closed off at times.

I’m terrified of opening myself up to other people’s opinions and hearing them judge, critique, and scrutinize my life, my decisions, and my choices. I don’t want to feel like I am letting any of my close family and friends down, and that’s all I feel like I’ve been doing. What I have been doing is what is best for me, and it just feels like no one else sees that. Instead, they see what I’m doing as different, and something I shouldn’t be doing because it’s not “normal”.

This is kind of going back to my expectations post. The expectations of those around me feel like they are crushing me. Which I’m ashamed to admit, is why I’ve stopped telling some of the closest people in my life what is going on in my life. Because I can’t take one more dramatic sigh, and then opinion of what I should be doing or what they expected me to do.

That is actually the last thing I need right now. What’s a girl got to do to get a little support around here huh?

I’ll be honest. I wrote this post about 3 weeks ago when I was particularly struggling with everyone’s opinions of me and am now getting the courage to post this. This post isn’t meant to be like a poor me, please pity me post. It was simply to get some thoughts off of my chest and it feels nice to talk (type?) it all out.

Thanks for listening (reading?) haha you know what I’m trying to say.

Have a great day.

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Weekend recap round up

Weekend recap round up

Well good morning. Hopefully everyone had a nice weekend

Friday:

My dog was whining and barking like the annoying like shit she is (mostly kidding, she was just hyper) so we went for a walk. You can’t really tell in this picture, but I have on my Uggs which I so wish were still acceptable to wear past the age of 14. #RIP. Also necessary was my green tea.

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Here she is trying to get as far away from me as possible.

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I spent a good majority of my Friday sitting at a Starbucks working on blog work, school work, and some job work. It was such a nice day outside so it was a little painful to have to sit inside and work but what the hell do you expect? Shit won’t get done by itself haha.

The three of us (okay mostly me) ended up watching the new Cinderella that night! I might be biased because Cinderella is my favorite princess, but I loved the movie. The other two did agree that it was “cute” and “good” Bed followed shorty after that.

Saturday:

I had my first post marathon run! I love October running so so much. I did a 50 minute run without my Garmin on, so I have no clue what my pace or distance was. I’m guessing around 5 miles though.

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I then headed to my dad and stepmom’s house so we could drive down to IU for some football tailgating! Glorious weather, jello shots, family and friends, great food and beer… what more could I ask for? I also got to see some of one of best friends who goes to school there! All in all it was a fun day spent with fun people.

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I was pretty tired when we got home, but was determined for one thing. Frozen yogurt.

This is vanilla, coconut, and cake batter with one walnut on top eaten in bed of course.

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Except it was too much and I felt sick afterwards whoops. I fell asleep shortly after that.

Sunday:

I knew I wanted to get another run in, but getting out of my warm bed was no small feat.

Eventually I did get another Garmin-less run in! It was 70 minutes and I’m guessing around 7 miles.

The rest of normal Sunday activities happened consisting of errands, homework, making chili and watching football and checking fantasy all day.

All leading up to the Colts Patriots game! It’s been a nervous and anxious day around these parts, but sadly the Colts lost : (

I hope you guys had a nice weekend, too! Make it a great day.

Day in Ellen’s life III

Day in Ellen’s life III

Good morning, good morning! Here’s a peak into what my day looked like yesterday. Pretty low key and uneventful!

6:55 am – alarm goes off but I lay around in bed and catch up on social media and missed notifications

7:10 am – get changed and head out the door for my run

7:55 am – get back home from running, do some ab work, and then take a shower

8:37 am – make a blueberry banana smoothie and a coffee while catching up on other blog posts

9:06 am – head back upstairs to get changed for class

9:33 am – put together some food to take with me to class

9:42 am – start my drive downtown

10:24 am – get parked and make my way to the library

10:31 – sit down at a computer and work on some Chicago Marathon stuff and some homework

12:00 pm – stats class begins (yuck)

1:30 pm – make my way back to the library for more Chicago Marathon. I’m trying to simplify the public transportation system for my family, but I know nothing about it!

1:33 pm – eat my lunch which consisted of a peanut butter sandwich and a homemade banana, oat, peanut butter, & chocolate granola bar

3:00 pm – back to class… This time it’s a career developmental class

4:30 pm – yay head home! Except traffic sucked trying to leave campus, there was a stalled vehicle in the middle of the interstate which was backing everything up!

5:09 pm – finally meet my mom at the car service place and pick her up and drive us home

5:33 pm – arrive home, get the mail, let my dog out, and make me a decaf vanilla latte

5:54 pm – start dinner! We had turkey sausage and mashed potatoes with gravy

6:51 pm – dinnertime! I actually had leftover chicken tortilla soup and sweet potato fries.

7: 22 pm – MORE CHICAGO TRANSIT WORK. Literally my head hurts.

7:46 pm – I decided I needed a treat after all of that hard work, so I ate a rice cake with peanut butter and chocolate chips

7:48 pm – starting watching a DVR’d college volleyball match

9:23 pm – head upstairs to get ready for bed

10:01 pm – get sucked into reality television

10:36 pm – lights out. Goodnight!

Hope you guys are having a great Wednesday! Hahaha wait sidebar… I just spelled Wednesday wrong, and one of the spelling suggestions for me was Doomsday! Seriously, auto correct kills me.

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Finding inspiration when motivation is low

I have had a great summer, and now that Labor Day is past, it feels like summer is officially “over”.

This summer is the first summer since my 8th grade summer where I didn’t have anything going on. For four years in high school I had volleyball summer conditioning. After that, it was two summers of working and taking a summer class. However, I took this past summer as a total vacation. I didn’t work and I didn’t take a summer class.

And damn it I had a glorious ass summer. I faced no commitments and some days I could lay by the pool all day or watch Netflix if I wanted to.

Many looked at me and questioned, “Don’t you get bored? What do you do all day?” I was never bored though and I never struggled with what to do. I am a person who is very at peace with doing nothing and don’t feel the need to go, go, go. This was the best summer I have had probably all my life.

Alas though, with every up there is a down. Which is currently where I am now. Down.

Since my summer was filled with no motivation for really anything, I am now struggling to find motivation to be productive again in my life, knowing that I can’t keep this lackadaisical attitude with me.

So what’s a girl to do to get inspired again?

1. I got a job. I just started working at Starbucks, and I am pumped to start having an income again. I had enough money saved up so money isn’t really an issue, but it’s nice to know that I can start saving money again.

2. I started writing more. Whenever I have a lot on my mind, I like to channel it by journaling. I have tried to journal before, but realized I don’t like writing, because I had so many thoughts and hated how long it took for me to write them down. Now that I have discovered the magic of password protected Word documents, I have been typing my feelings like a mad woman. And it’s weirdly therapeutic to type fast haha.

3. I am planning for after my marathon. My goal after Chicago is to really focus on strength training, and I found a program that I want to do. Just thinking about strength and not cardio is really helping me mentally push through these last few weeks of marathon training.

4. Actually addressing my feelings. I may or may not be guilty of not addressing how I feel and pushing my emotions under the rug. I finally addressed how I’m feeling about school, work, exercise, everything. Anxious, stressed, excited, nervous, unsure, unsettled. For someone who likes to not talk or think about emotions, this has been beneficial to grasp that I am having these emotions which is helping me come to terms with things.

5. Dancing. Seriously I know this is cheesy, but it has made me happy in many circumstances. Just putting on music and twirling, spinning, and dancing makes me smile and feel less stressed.

Well I guess that’s all I have currently in my head. And by “that’s all” I basically mean a novel so thanks for listening. Hopefully this helps with anyone else who is lacking motivation or inspiration, and we start this week off on a positive note!

What do you do when you’re looking for inspiration or lacking motivation?

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When working out starts to feel like a chore

Why do you work out?

To stay in shape? To release emotions? Maybe you genuinely love it!

Mine is a mix of all three of those items above. I do it to stay in shape, it releases all of my angry emotions, and I really do genuinely love pushing myself and exerting my body to its max.

But what happens when it starts to feel like something you haaaave to do? Don’t get me wrong. I know I should workout to stay healthy and in shape. I’m talking about forcing yourself when there is literally anything and everything else in the world that you would rather be doing than working out. When you’re not working out for the right reasons anymore, you know?

Because I am currently in one of those “forcing myself, hate it, feels like a chore” workout slump right now. And it’s really discouraging.

When something like this happens (it usually happens 2-3 times a year), I always step back and focus on walking for my form of movement.

However, I feel stuck right now because of my marathon. I don’t think nor do I want to take any time off from running and working out. I’m literally petrified of losing my fitness, stamina, and endurance.

And the thing is, it’s not just running that I feel burned out from, it’s everything. Circuits, hill repeats, sprints, lifting, tabatas, jump rope, strength training, like every way I normally work out is just not fun right now.

I have a theory, and I’m blaming it on the heat. It is just so much more physically exerting (and not in a good way) to work out in the heat than during cooler months. I reflected on my past 2 summers of working out, and realized that almost every summer I completely cut out running and really scale back my workouts. But I feel like I can’t do that because of the marathon!!!

So currently I am just trying to force myself through runs and scaling back on the “extra curricular” workouts. I am constantly reminding myself why I love to run. I am refreshing playlists. I am trying so so so hard to feel excited and not burned out for my race.

Lucky it is supposed to cool down this week so here’s hoping that I feel back to my old self!!!

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Labor day weekend round up

Although Tuesdays are my least favorite day of the week, officially starting this short week off on a Tuesday makes it not so bad!

Friday:

Whew. I felt like I was go go go all day Friday. It started off early with a 5 am 13 mile training run. After the run, I treated myself (like I do after every run…) to a gas station Diet Coke! The thought of Diet Coke got me through the last few miles haha.

After a quick shower and smoothie, I headed to the library, the drug store and then to the bank. While I was out, I got a call from a friend asking if I could go pick them up from the car dealership and take them back to their house.

Shortly after getting home from that, I had to take my dog to an appointment. So much driving!

Later on at night, the three of us met my aunt & uncle for a baseball game downtown! We ended up leaving during the 4th inning, because we thought it was going to start raining (again), and didn’t want to get wet all over again. All in all, it was fun to just hang out do something a little different.

Saturday:

I also started my Saturday morning with a 5 mile run, because if I don’t run on a Saturday then what is life?!

Then my mom and I took off for downtown again to meet up with my aunts (again!) for doughnuts and breakfast. We started with doughnuts and coffee and then went to a chicken and waffles restaurant. The doughnuts were just okay (they were vegan so I don’t know if that’s why I wasn’t crazy about them), but the chicken and waffles were awesome.

On our way home, we ran to Jo Ann’s and CVS for some quick pick ups. Once arriving home, I immediately took off for my best friends house who was home for labor day! I didn’t stay too long, because I had to get home to work on some homework. Bleh.

I made it up to myself with pizza for dinner and hanging out with some friends.

Sunday:

More errands! This time it was Kroger and to Goodwill.

It was such a beautiful day around here though, so we went down to the neighborhood pool as soon as we got home! It was so sunny out and just perfect.

We had a nice family dinner and then I went to my best friends house to hang out.

Monday:

I don’t remember ever having as lazy of a day as I did yesterday!

I read in bed for 2 hours when I woke up, worked on a friends birthday present, gave him said present, watched tennis, and read some more! Highly unproductive and a highly lazy day.

Some days it just needs to happen!

I hope you guys also had a great 3 day weekend!

Running rambles and sippin’ smoothies

Running rambles and sippin’ smoothies

Happy Thursday! I’ve always liked Thursdays, because you’re just so close to the weekend. I’m sure I’m not alone in this.

I had a quite lovely, but quite hot 5 mile run this morning. I did an out and back run today, which happens to be my least favorite type of run.

Here’s my ranking of types of runs: 1. Loop 2. Point-to-point 3. Out and back 4. Track workouts

I know #4 doesn’t really fit into what I was talking about, but I just wanted to make it clear that I loathe track workouts. Who wants to run 50 laps around a track? While running fast and feeling like your lungs are on fire and exploding?!

Anyways.

I’ve been on a smoothie kick since it’s so hot & humid out! I had a blueberry banana one for breakfast and then I had a strawberry smoothie after my run. Except I put chocolate protein powder in it for some (obviously) protein, and it was disgusting. I don’t like chocolate covered strawberries so I don’t know why I thought that was a good idea. But I didn’t want to waste, so I drank it anyways. I’m still mad about how gross it was.

Note to self. Don’t do that again.

Noted.

Anyways, I’m off to do some cleaning and cooking. Make it a great day!